When I create, I examine and “fix” myself by growing my self-knowledge as I dig deeper into what makes me me. Because this is a very self-centred process, it can often feel almost cowardly, like I’m hiding away from my true purpose or not using all my talents to their full extent. In other words, it doesn’t feel like I’m contributing to solving the world’s many problems, or even being a good “servant” in either the spiritual of religious sense.
One thing that would certainly help, I think, would be having a wider social impact with my creations. By this, I mean giving back to community, feeling like I am contributing to something “bigger” or at least to something that feels meaningful not only for my own self but also for others. This would, at least according to my suspicions, make my work less egotistical. Or perhaps this focus on myself and what taunts me is exactly what I need in order to for my art to transform into something more meaningful.
I think transcendental is too grand a word for what I have in mind – I just want people to relate to my works, to go away feeling, if not affected, then at least positively disturbed. And for this to happen, perhaps I do need to continue accessing the parts of my self that are within my reach in order to achieve my full potential. Especially before I can come out and declare, rather naively, “I’m ready to fix something else”.
After all, in understanding what drives me, what is responsible for my actions and why I even feel the innate desire to fulfil them, I get to actually give more back than I would if I ignored this step. In a nutshell, how can I try to solve anything if I haven’t even finished dealing with my own troubles?
